And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
