That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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