if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
