I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
