i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
