Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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