Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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