I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
