remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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