I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
