Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

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(631): View more from New York

My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.

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(519): View more from Ontario

was it more than 30 minutes?

(416): View more from Ontario

ya

(519): View more from Ontario

then you're in a relationship

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

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(707): View more from California

I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.

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(727): View more from Florida

No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.

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(928): View more from Arizona

so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in

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