Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
