So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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