Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
