I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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