How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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