Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
