I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there was a trapeze. enough said
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Someone signed my nipple.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
