Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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