we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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