And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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