I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
