i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
