In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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