I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
