I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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