you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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