It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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