Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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