i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
