He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
