3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
