theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A+ Viking dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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