i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
