pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
