New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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