I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
