Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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