New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
why is half of my head shaved?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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