I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I need moral support for this bender
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
