Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
