His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
