Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
