just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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