Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
