i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
