Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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