Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
