Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
