I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
