Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
