he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
