When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
